Seems like I haven't logged on in awhile. This round of chemo was better in some aspects (nausea and fatigue)but I had other issues that has had me layed up until today. Thursday pm I started having bad abdominal cramping and called my Oncologist. Once again he prescibed another drug and a sweet neighbor went and picked it up for me. Jim and the kids were at Kelly's flag football award ceremony (something else I missed). The pills helped alittle but by last night I was in so much pain that I called my Oncologist and my Surgeon. I felt like I was having bad labor pains. I was told to take some pain pills that I still had from my surgery and if not better in an hour to head straight to the ER. They both mentioned having a scan for blockage, etc. That was the longest hour in history especially because it was after 2am. The pain finally eased up after an hour and I decided not to go to the ER. I am really weak and tired today but am feeling better then I have been. I hate seeing all the pill bottles in my bathroom. It is just a daily reminder that I am sick. I told mom the other day that I hate taking drugs, being poisoned (chemo), being chauffeured to doctors appointments and being dependant on others for things! I want my life back! I know that I need to press on suck it up. I had plans to go to the Beth Moore convention with my mom, sister in law and her sister but I was not feeling well enough to go. I was bummed I missed it but glad that I was able to sell my ticket and someone else was able to go in my place. The kids are on spring break this week and my goal is to do something fun with them out of the house. The fair is in town this week and it opens on Thursday, I hope to be there.

I had my Dr. appt with my Oncologist today. He was concerned because I was not smiling today. Well I am sorry but going through chemo will do that to a person. He put me on an additional medication to help with my mental state of mind and it also helps with nausea and sleeplessness. Sounds good to me. We will see how well it does. I am doing much better on the stronger and very expensive drug Zofran (over $550.00 for 20 very small pills). Praise God for good insurance! My insurance bill for chemo is over $8500 so far and we have only just begun. I have been constantly praising God for answering prayers for the side effects to be minimized. Even though I feel crummy, tired and my legs are sore it still doesn't compare to how very sick I was the last time I had chemo. I guess this is all trial and error with the meds, etc. I just have to remember that alot of it is mind over matter so I have to think positive and look for the good in everyday! Thanks to my friend Jessica Collins for the yummy taco meal that she lovingly prepared for our family.

Unbelievable! Mom brought me to Baptist South Hospital yesterday for my chemo treatment and I was told that they could not see me because me chemo meds were not ordered. Someone apparently dropped the ball. So I was not a very happy camper! They just don't understand what a person has to go through mentally to even show up for them to put poison in your veins and then be told to go home and come back tomorrow. It was sort of nice after I calmed down to have a "free day". I was able to go to the library, Target and take Brooke to soccer practice last night. Fast forward to today...mom took me again and we were there three hours. I talked to the oncology nurse and we decided I would go ahead and take my stronger anti-nausea pill (Zofran) while I was doing my chemo before the nausea had a chance to get a hold of me. I do feel better so far then I did at this point last time. I was able to eat lunch ok and I got out this afternoon and walked the block for some sunshine and exercise. I pray that I will continue to stay ahead of the nausea and the terrible fatigue that plagued me last time. I see my Oncologist tomorrow morning. Thanks to my sweet friend Desiree for bringing a meal for us tonight! The pump I have to wear is sensitive to electronics so I have to limit my time on the laptop, cell phone and even my portable DVD player. The meds are timed to finish about the time that I am returning back to the office but last time it finished up hours ahead of schedule due to the interference. May God richly bless all those people that touch our family through this time. Thank you All!

Happy Easter! He is Risen! I had an enjoyable time taking the kids to our church for it's annual Easter egg hunt yesterday. Things are almost back to normal and then I remember I have Chemo tomorrow! I started not feeling too well last night and it has continued into today. I was surprised with breakfast in bed compliments of the girls. They got up extra early to prepare it for me. It was very sweet. I was unable to feel good enough to go to church today. I was so upset but what can you do!?! I was able to get to my moms house in the afternoon, where everyone was coming for the traditional Easter gathering. The food was very good and the kids had a fun time hunting eggs (again). I pray for a restful night and a smooth morning.

Today was a good day. I got some house cleaning done , ran some errands and watched Becoming Jane (good movie). I got everything I need for the kids' Easter baskets. Even though we know that Easter is about our Lords resurrection and not about the bunny, we still do the egg hunt and baskets of goodies. I treated myself to sushi for lunch today. I have been told "not to eat your favorite foods while you are not feeling well because you will start to associate the two together". So since I was feeling good today I decided to have the sushi. Last night was the best I slept in 9 days! I still don't have as much energy as I used to, but that is coming back slowly. Tomorrow is bible study fellowship (BSF for short). I am excited about being able to go. Last week I had my pump dc'ed so I missed it. The week prior to I had to leave early due to a Dr. appt. We have such a great time at bible study. We are studying the book of Matthew this semester. Thanks for the prayers! I am so blessed to have such a great group of neighbors, friends, family members and community!

Happy St. Patty's Day! Sorry I have not been on to update since Thursday. To get caught up...Friday was an ok physical day but a very BLUE day. Alot of crying! My mom came over on her lunch break and took me for a walk just to get out of the house and get some fresh air. She is so sweet! As I sat down to my lunch I found a smiley face in my tomato soup. It was a little gift from GOD to let me know that he is still here with me! I was able to lay down and rest for about an hour before the kids got home from school. God send two birds singing outside my window...how beautiful. No matter how bad it is...Life is so worth living! Friday night I had enough energy to go out to dinner with the family and alittle shopping at Kohl's. It helps to do things that make you feel normal again. Saturday brought Aunt Flo if you know what I mean. Better now then next week! Chemo must effect that also because the cramps have been really bad. I was up till 2:30pm with horrible cramps and diarrhea. Oh , forgot to mention that Kelly's flag football team won their last game. They are undefeated! Troy's soccer team won also and Brooke's tied. It was nice to be out of the house on the field for a few hours. Today is a nice day. I am still not 100% but getting closer everyday. I am getting caught up on house cleaning and laundry. I never really gave much thought to thanking God for my health daily. It is something I think we all take for granted. Thank God for your health and the health of your family!

1/2 Human Again

I am back, well sort of. It has been a really rough, terrible couple of days! I don't think I have ever prayed, cried and pleaded with God for relieve and mercy, more in my life. The nausea is indescribable even with the medicine I was given. I got my pump removed yesterday morning and it was such a relieve not to be hooked up to something 24/7. I finally decided to call the doctor last night and let him know that the anti-nauea meds were not getting it! He called me in an addition anti-nausea pill to take. My sweet friend Jennifer flew to the store with only 5 minutes till they closed! The additoinal pill helped. I slept the best last night and that was not that good. The stomach cramps and diarrhea started this morning. Amodium A.D. helped with that. I am finally feeling 1/2 human tonight. I am looking forward to maybe feeling like myself hopefully by this weekend. All the kids have games. Kelly's last flag football game and Troy and Brooke's first soccer games. Thanks for all the prayers!

C Day

Well the first day is almost down. Jim and I arrived at the hospital at 9am this morning. I had to watch a video on the side effects of the drugs I would be given. They hooked me up to the I.V. lines about 10:30am. I was given a steroid and anti-nausea meds before the drugs. Those will help with the typical side effects. I did not sleep very well last night so going into it this morning I was tired. I did what most people do that get chemo and slept. I was alittle cold during treatment and other then needing to go to the bathroom a few times due to the extra fluids , I guess, I felt nothing. I finished around 1pm. I was unhooked from the I.V. and my portable pump with 5FU was hooked up. This infuses slowly over the next 46 hours. Wednesday I will go back to the hospital and the I.V. will be unhooked and the needle will be removed from my port. It didn't take long for the nausea to start. Jim took me to Publix for a small sandwich. I also got some tea. It was from the cooler. The next side effect I had, and was one I was told about, was this weird sensation during/after drinking the cold drink. It felt like I drank a very cold numbing peppermint drink. It is not a good feeling. I need to stay away from cold foods and drinks. I came home and took a anti-nausea pill and went to bed. I have had a headache all day long even after taking Advil and later Tylenol. I feel out of sorts and don't have much energy. My legs are achy. I pray for a good night sleep tonight.

The Day Before Chemotherapy

As I sit here wondering what tomorrow holds for me, I am reminded of the great love I have for my family and close friends that have been there for me from the beginning. That love doesn't even come close to the LOVE I feel from my Father God. He has been right beside me through the last two months of the cancer diagnosis, numerous tests, surgeries and recoveries. He tells me in His word "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" Hebrews 13:5 and in Hebrews 13:6 "So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." And when I feel anxious this verse comes to mind "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" Philippians 4:6. That is a great verse when you feel like the nothing is going right. I try and remember that no matter what I am going through, it can always be worse.