My Oncologist wants me to wait until December to get my Pet Scan. If all goes well then I can have my port removed. I'll probably wait until January , after the holidays. I decided to stop taking the Lyrica and just put up with the neuropathy. It is worse at some times then others...not sure why.
We had a three day weekend and took the kids camping. We went to St. Augustine. It is one of our favorite places to camp. The weather was good...not too hot. We enjoyed the beach the best. It will probably be the last time the kids will be in the ocean this year. Next trip will be in November to the Florida panhandle.

Feeling better today. I was up with two sick kids last night so I am tired. I wanted to share this you http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/ . It has been inspirational to me. I see my oncologist on Wednesday. I think he will schedule another CT scan or a pet scan and prayerfully all will be clear! My neuropathy is driving me crazy. I spoke to another woman that said it was 9-12 months before hers went away. The prescription Lyrica is alittle helpful but is makes me drowsy. It has to be taken 3x a day so unless I want to zone out it is hard to stay on schedule....aauughhhh! Thanks Nadia and Tammy for the meals last week.

I was excited to know the today I was going in for hopefully my last chemo treatment. My mom accompanied me today. My platelets were up to 86 from last time at 77. My Oncologist, knowing that this was my final treatment ok'ed full treatment plus the bag of calcium and bag of magnesium. Knowing that my platelets will go down even more now that I got my chemo today I will get another CBC and see my Oncologist to find out what comes next. Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do! is a title of a book and I am claiming it as my new motto! At times I thought I would never make it to this week! Will keep you posted. Thanks Lisa for the great meal last night!

When your Hut's on Fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.
Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost.
He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'
Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island!
It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers.
'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied. The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

#11 down! I went on Monday to get my blood work done and hopefully my chemo treatment. The lab tech brought my sheet into the chemo lounge area and my nurse called my doctor. I over hear her telling him what my numbers are and asking if there are any adjustments to my meds, etc. When she read off the platelet number and it was in the 200's I thought how can that be? I barely got by last time with a 97. They want you to be at least 100. At this point I am just happy to be getting #11 behind me. About 20 minutes later a different lab tech comes in and said to my nurse that she may want to stop my chemo because of some mix-up and my numbers were low. Oh, great! Come to find out I was only at 77. Normally I would be told sorry and come back next week. My nurse called the Dr. again and he said to go ahead with the treatment but not to give me one of the chemo drugs. Yea! He wants me to finish just as bad as I want to be done. How good it feels to know that the next time is my last time! It has been a long road! I started this "journey" in January and it has been a long hard trip. At times it feels like it has flown by and at times it feels like this has been the longest year of my life. I have started seeing past all of this and started planning the rest of my year. We are going to Aquatica in September and camping in October. November we will be in Destin, Florida at a gorgeous resort for a week and I can't wait! We have always wanted to go to Destin but never took the opportunity. Two of the rentals got rented this month and a third will be in September. Only one vacant at this time...Praise God! The kids are getting back into their morning routine after having a four day weekend thank to Hurricane Fay. We were very fortunate in that we had no damage from it. We are very thankful for the continued support from our community and church. We love all of you!

I can't believe that I only have 2 more treatments left. I remember like it was yesterday going through my second treatment and thinking that there is no way I can do this. But as I recall a friend saying to me after she underwent chemo that she was amazed at what she could endure. Thanks Jennifer Morton for those words of encouragement and all that you have done for me! You are a good friend! I also want to Thank from the bottom of my heart...my Sunday School class! You have ministered to us, prayed over us and faithfully brought us meals. It has been a very tough year for our family but you all have helped lighten our load. Through this journey as I called it, I have reminded of the awesomeness of my Heavenly Father. He is good, holy, gracious, faithful, truthful, just, all knowing, ever present (Amen!) and all powerful! I believe with all my heart that I have gotten through all that I have and been told how good I look only due to being bathed in prayer. I thank God for a Godly Mother and friends. I thank those that don't even know our family and are praying for us, even bringing us meals. An example of God bringing strangers into my life to minister to me just happened on Monday. I had to go downtown for my chemo due to the doctors at Baptist South being on vacation. I arrived at 9:30am and it was very busy. They couldn't locate my chart and had to get in touch with my Dr. to verify treatment drugs and dosages, etc. By 11am things were just starting to get going and I told that my Dr. had ordered some extra fluids (calcium and magnesium and each of them would add an extra hour to my treatment time. I was told I would be there until 4pm or so. I did not have a friend along that could run and get me something to eat and I was too far away from everyone that I know to bring me something to eat. I had not brought anything either. (Didn't expect to be there ALL DAY!) I usually finish by 1pm'ish and grab something on my way home or eat when I get home. Another patient that was there just for lab work overheard the nurse tell me I was stuck there all day offered to get me something to eat from the cafeteria in the building. She saved me! I would have been miserable not eating any real food all day. The chemo treatment rooms have snacks but crackers only go so far! God is Great! I also want to thank my mother in-law and father in-law for chauffeuring me around to my appointments when I am not feeling up to driving myself. Thanks John and Candy for Sonny's... Brooke says it was the best meal brought to us. She loves ribs!

This is long but please read Tony Snow's Testimony

January 19th, 2008
Tony Snow’s Testimony
There may be some that do not know Tony Snow and others that do know him. Casting aside the fact that he worked with President Bush as his press secretary until his recent reoccurrence of cancer, I hope you will read his testimony. It will make you sit up and think. It is awesome. If you think it is worth while, pass it along to someone, for you never know who might just need this testimony.
This is an outstanding testimony from Tony Snow, President Bush's Press Secretary, and his fight with cancer. Commentator and broadcaster Tony Snow announced that he had colon cancer in 2005. Following surgery and chemotherapy, Snow joined the Bush Administration in April 2006 as press secretary. Unfortunately, on March 23, 2007, Snow, 51, a husband and father of three, announced the cancer had recurred, with tumors found in his abdomen,- leading to surgery in April, followed by more chemotherapy. Snow went back to work in the White House Briefing Room on May 30, but has resigned since, "for economic reasons," and to pursue " other interests."
It needs little intro… it speaks for itself.
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"Blessings arrive in unexpected packages, - in my case, cancer. Those of us with potentially fatal diseases - and there are millions in America today - find ourselves in the odd position of coping with our mortality while trying to fathom God's will. Although it would be the height of presumption to declare with confidence "What It All Means," Scripture provides powerful hints and consolations.
The first is that we shouldn't spend too much time trying to answer the "why" questions: Why me? Why must people suffer? Why can't someone else get sick? We can't answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer.
I don't know why I have cancer, and I don't much care. It is what it is, a plain and indisputable fact. Yet even while staring into a mirror darkly, great and stunning truths begin to take shape. Our maladies define a central feature of our existence: We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out.
But despite this, - or because of it, - God offers the possibility of salvation and grace. We don't know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval between now and the moment we meet our Creator face-to-face.
Second, we need to get past the anxiety. The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system.. A dizzy, unfocused panic seizes you. Your heart thumps; your head swims. You think of nothingness and swoon. You fear partings; you worry about the impact on family and friends. You fidget and get nowhere.
To regain footing, remember that we were born not into death, but into life, and that the journey continues after we have finished our days on this earth. We accept this on faith, but that faith is nourished by a conviction that stirs even within many non believing hearts - an intuition that the gift of life, once given, cannot be taken away. Those who have been stricken enjoy the special privilege of being able to fight with their might, main, and faith to live fully, richly, exuberantly - no matter how their days may be numbered.
Third, we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease,- smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see, - but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance; and comprehension - and yet don't. By His love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.
'You Have Been Called'. Picture yourself in a hospital bed. The fog of anaesthesia has begun to wear away. A doctor stands at your feet, a loved one holds your hand at the side. "It's cancer," the healer announces.
The natural reaction is to turn to God and ask him to serve as a cosmic Santa. "Dear God, make it all go away. Make everything simpler." But another voice whispers: "You have been called." Your quandary has drawn you closer to God, closer to those you love, closer to the issues that matter,- and has dragged into insignificance the banal concerns that occupy our "normal time."
There's another kind of response, although usually short-lived an inexplicable shudder of excitement, as if a clarifying moment of calamity has swept away everything trivial and tiny, and placed before us the challenge of important questions.
The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies. Think of Paul, traipsing through the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes ( Spain ), shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about the morrow, but only about the moment.
There's nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue, - for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do.
Finally, we can let love change everything. When Jesus was faced with the prospect of crucifixion, he grieved not for himself, but for us. He cried for Jerusalem before entering the holy city. From the Cross, he took on the cumulative burden of human sin and weakness, and begged for forgiveness onour behalf.
We get repeated chances to learn that life is not about us, that we acquire purpose and satisfaction by sharing in God's love for others. Sickness gets us part way there. It reminds us of our limitations and dependence. But it also gives us a chance to serve the healthy. A minister friend of mine observes that people suffering grave afflictions often acquire the faith of two people, while loved ones accept the burden of two peoples' worries and fears.
'Learning How to Live'. Most of us have watched friends as they drifted toward God's arms, not with resignation, but with peace and hope. In so doing, they have taught us not how to die, but how to live. They have emulated Christ by transmitting the power and authority of love.
I sat by my best friend's bedside a few years ago as a wasting cancer took him away. He kept at his table a worn Bible and a 1928 edition of the Book of Common Prayer. A shattering grief disabled his family, many of his old friends, and at least one priest. Here was an humble and very good guy, someone who apologized when he winced with pain because he thought it made his guest uncomfortable. He retained his equanimity and good humor literally until his last conscious moment. "I'm going to try to beat [this cancer]," he told me several months before he died. "But if I don't, I'll see you on the other side."
His gift was to remind everyone around him that even though God doesn't promise us tomorrow, he does promise us eternity, - filled with life and love we cannot comprehend, - and that one can in the throes of sickness point the rest of us toward timeless truths that will help us weather future storms.
Through such trials, God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern in things that don't matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?
When our faith flags, he throws reminders in our way. Think of the prayer warriors in our midst. They change things, and those of us who have been on the receiving end of their petitions and intercessions know it. It is hard to describe, but there are times when suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and you feel a surge of the Spirit. Somehow you just know: Others have chosen, when talking to the Author of all creation, to lift us up, - to speak of us!
This is love of a very special order. But so is the ability to sit back and appreciate the wonder of every created thing. The mere thought of death somehow makes every blessing vivid, every happiness more luminous and intense. We may not know how our contest with sickness will end, but we have felt the ineluctable touch of God.
What is man that Thou art mindful of him? We don't know much, but we know this: No matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us who believe, each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place, in the hollow of God's hand."
T. Snow

Well I have been ignoring my blog again....so sorry~Last week chemo was again a no go. My platelets were only 65. Last time my treatment was a no go I was in the 80's. Normal range is 140-400. I was told by another lady getting chemo that once it gets down in the 20's you get a platelet transfusion but my Dr. has not mentioned anything about that at this time. My platelets continue to plummet with each treatment. But thankfully they were back up to 139 yesterday so I am receiving my 9th treatment. Next time I will be in double digits! Yea! I enjoyed my extra week off with my kids. We went tubing down Ichetucknee Springs State Park. We had a blast but getting up early to get there and not returning home till 7pm really wiped me out! I decided to have my Oncologist call me in the new drug he wanted me to take for my Neuropathy. Jim picked it up for me from the pharmacy and when he got home I read the side effects of the drug and you will not believe what it said! This drug may lower your platelets-go figure. Needless to say I have not taken the drug yet. My Oncologist also lowered the dose of one of my chemo drugs to help my body get through the rest of the treatments. I am doing as well as expected this time around. I will get my pump off tomorrow and then I will have to return to the hospital on Thursday to get my Neulasta shot. Apparently my insurance company doesn't want me to get it the same day I get my pump disconnected. I am not looking forward to the shot. It really makes you feel old. Your legs are achey all the time like you just ran a marathon. I thank God everyday for walking with me through this time of trials that my family is undergoing. We praise God that the rentals are now being rented and He has sustained us through this all! God is Awesome! Thanks to all our friends and family for your help and prayers! Especially our Sunday School class~We love you all!

God created tears as a healthy and even mandatory release for toxins that accumulate in the body. (Tears that come from sorrow have a different chemical composition than tears that come from joy. There are no toxins in joy tears, only in grieving tears.) "I'd rather be laughing by Marilyn Meberg"

It always seems like I am playing catch-up with my blog. It was the usual last week...chemo...dr appt...shot...feeling crappy! I have only four treatments to go. It feel good to say that but I do not look forward to them! The numbness in my feet and hands has gotten worse and my Dr. is concerned. He talked about putting me on another medication to help that but of course it has a list of side effects that don't sound like fun to me! I told him I'll see how I do this week and get back with him. Brooke came back from camp and told us she dedicated her body to God. We are so proud of her decision to stay pure and follow God's plan for her life. My mom returned from Hawaii. She had a good time (who wouldn't!). It is good to have her home. The 4th of July was fun hanging out with family, friends and neighbors. Kelly left for camp yesterday. Thanks to Mindy and Jessica Duva for the meal last week. You both are so sweet to volunteer again to help us out. Please continue to pray for the rentals that are still unrented and the uncertainty of Jim's job. Anheuser-Busch was recently sold to a Belgium company ImBev and word has it that the pension and 401K plan that AB had is going bye-bye. Jim has been there 13 years and is well vested in those programs. I found an interesting site that has some good information regarding Cancer: Questions and Answers. It is http://www.remedylife.com/general/expert/content?cid=1583&ctid=10

Boo Hoo! I was so looking forward to putting this treatment (#8) behind me but the Lord has other plans. My platelets were too low to proceed today so I am on hold until next Monday. Good news is my white blood count is good. I will not dwell on it but rather embrace this week and live life to the fullest. I miss Brooke already and it has been less than 12 hours since she has left. She sure is a pistol but she has a huge heart and can be so sweet when she wants to be. I guess she reminds me of me. I also miss my mom but have talked to her everyday since she left for Hawaii. If I had the money I would catch a plane out tonight and join her! We might go see Wall*E tomorrow. It looks cute and Troy has been so anxious for it to come to the theater. He asked us "what day is it?" everyday while we were camping and finally on Friday he said Wall*E came out today. Then Saturday he said Wall*E came out yesterday...too cute! We heard from our property manager that someone is interested in renting one of our houses so we will see what happens with that....Praise God!

My laptop froze up last week so it went to the repair shop. Let's get caught up on the last two weeks. The Neulasta shot that was given to me to boost my white blood cell counts wasn't as bad as I had heard. My legs were sore like I ran a marathon (daily) and my knees were achy for about 8 days. Kelly did well preparing for her procedure and we received the results last week from her colonoscopy and all findings were normal-Praise God! Jim started his three weeks of vacation last Monday. We spent two days running errands (Kelly got her braces off and now is in a (Gator's) retainer) and getting the camper ready for a trip. I found a place to camp in Ormond Beach called Tomoka State Park. Jim and the kids took Mema to the airport on Wednesday were she flew to Hawaii to meet up with my step-brother Tom and his family. We finished packing when they got back and left for our camping adventure. We just got back yesterday. We all had a good time camping, canoeing, fishing and swimming. We went to the beach a couple of times and took a trip to De Leon Spring State Park for breakfast and a day of swimming in the cool water of the springs. That is a nice place. There is an old sugar mill that has been turned into a restaurant. The tables have an electric griddle build into the table tops where you make your own pancakes. The kids had a blast making their own creations. The chocolate chips were their favorite kind of pancakes to make and I enjoyed the blueberry ones. Brooke leaves today for a week. She is going with our church youth group to a christian camp. This will be her second year going and she really enjoys it. Kelly will be going to camp in two weeks. Last year was her first year going to camp also. Even though she was excited about spending a week with her friends she had a hard time leaving but once she was there she was fine. Today is chemo treatment number 8 out of 12. I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and still have it this morning. I have managed to keep the germs and sickies away this whole time so I pray this too will pass. I probably just over did it the last couple of days. We are still praying for the rentals to rent or sell. Thank you Cindy for getting my kids to VBS the week I had chemo and thanks to all the ladies that provided us meals.

Here's that latest update. I went for chemo yesterday and after checking my blood they found "something funky" said the lab lady. The Dr in the office wanted to look at it on a slide. After reviewing everything a call was made to my Oncologist to discuss a course of treatment because again my numbers were too low. One of the counts were up but the other were not. They decided to go ahead with treatment (I guess the funky thing was nothing???) and add Neulasta to my treatment so we can hopefully have no more delays in my treatments. It is a shot that I will receive when I get my pump disconnected. After checking out the website on the shot and talking to others that have had it the main complaint is pain in your joints (all of them!). Some info I got off the Internet about low white blood counts is...the fewer number of white blood cells you have and the longer you remain without enough, the more at risk you become for developing a potentially life-threatening infection, potentially resulting in hospitalization and administration of IV antibiotic therapy. I pray that I will not experience the joint pain and all will go well with my next 5 treatments. We have scheduled a little family camping trip next week and the kids are so excited. With everything that has gone on this year we have not really done or gone anywhere. Jim is on vacation for three week starting next week. That was the time we were supposed to go to California but after receiving the big C news we had to cancel the trip. Hopefully next year we can go see all the sites of my home state with the kids. I have not been back since Kelly who just turned 13 was 6 months old. Wow, how time flys! Please continue to pray for our family during this time and also for our finances due to the rentals being unrented. We are praying for a mighty miracle from God by the end of the month. We got word that one of them maybe rented so we will see if that pans out. Much love, Melissa

I saw my Oncologist yesterday and he decided to reduce one of the chemo drugs that they give me. It will be reduced by only 10-15% and should help my counts not to get so low and hopefully get me through treatment on track. I'm reading Barbara Johnson's book "Laughter from Heaven". I have to share a story from the book! The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on fire. That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister-right hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamps the machine down so tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out.... Suddenly there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right breast to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake and still attached to my body. Oh, no!" Gail said loudly. These are, perhaps, the words you least want to hear from any health professional. Suddenly she came flying past me, her lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door. She yelled over her shoulder, "The machine's on fire. I'm going to get help!" Okay, I was wrong. "The machine's on fire" are the worst words you can hear from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and semi-permanently attached to a machine and don't know if it's the machine in question. I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini couldn't have escaped. I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung (the one that was still working). I hadn't see anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind the partition. This is ridiculous, I thought. I can't die like this. What would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment? I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An imaginary fireman rushed in with a water hose and a hatchet. "Howdy, ma'am" he said. " What happened here?" he asked , averting his eyes. "My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped as my imaginary fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of Life!" he yelled. In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "That's the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutes to relax before we finish up?" At least I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in my backless paper gown at the time. After I'd relaxed for a few years, I figured I night go back. But I was bringing my own extinguisher.

Well God is not trying to rush me through this process because again my counts were to low for them to administer the chemo. You have to very careful when your immune system is suppressed because you are very susceptible to infections, etc. So I will enjoy another week off of chemo and try to rest up (HA-HA) before next Monday. We are supposed to have rain everyday this week. My Dad took us to the movies today to see Kung Fu Panda. It was ok. I had to reschedule most of the appointments I had scheduled for next week due to it now being my chemo week so the kids and myself have 5 appointments tomorrow. Did I mention resting???? Maybe another day. Thanks to all my prayer warriors and friends and family for you willingness to help when and where needed. I love you! Hugs, Melissa

I am officially 1/2 way through my treatments. I enjoyed having last week off for sure! I took the kids to the beach on Memorial Day. We had a good time. All the kids are having a fun time playing flag football. I think Troy has found his new favorite sport and Jim couldn't be happier! School is out next week and the kids can't wait! It really seems that 2008 has flown by! We still have the 4 rental houses unrented at this time and we are trusting the Lord to take care of our needs. Two of the houses have had the A/C units stolen (for the copper wiring). We pray for Gods protective hands over us and our property at this time. Please pray for Kelly as she will have to have a colonoscopy and endoscopy done in a few weeks to rule out the chance that she has the juvenile polyposis syndrome that Troy has. We are praying that all the tests come back negative. When Brooke turns 12 she will also have the tests done. Remember to always look for the good in every situation! Thanks for all the help and prayers! Hugs, Melissa

Well as you know my blood work numbers have been low the last two times I have gone for my chemo but after a call to the Oncologist we have proceeded but that was not the case yesterday. All I remember hearing is sorry we can't give you chemo today because your yada-yada-yada and your T-cells and platelets are too low. So my friend Michelle and I left the hospital and went to Panera's for brunch. I am not happy that my body is not handling the chemo very well but am elated that I get a "free" week. I was able to attend a luncheon for Ms. Bacon today that I would not of been able to attend had I of had chemo yesterday. She was the mentor mom I had for years when I attended First Baptist Church on Tuesday mornings for MOPS. She will be greatly missed! I am sad that I will not be able to attend a field trip that I promised Brooke I would go on next week. I know that God is in control and everything happens for a reason!

Oh, wasn't it a Beautiful day today. Troy and Brooke has their first flag football games (ever) today. The games were at the same time on adjacent fields and I was not there to watch. I was downtown attending the Woman of Faith Conference at the arena. It was AWESOME...can I get a witness??? (You had to be there to get it =} ) I got a phone call this week from a dear friend at church Ms. Kay and she hooked me up with two tx so my mom and I could attend. If you have never been to a Woman of Faith Conference before then you need to go! There was Patsy Clairmont, Marilyn Meberg, Luci Swindoll, Sheila Walsh (love HER), Nicole Johnson, Max Lucado, Sandi Patty (the most awarded female vocalist in Contemporary Christian music), and Nicole C. Mullen (she ROCKED the house)! Wow, what a great time we had laughing, singing, praising God and learning about God's Infinite Grace. Monday morning is chemo #6. My official 1/2 way mark. It's all down hill from there....right???? Praise God the hair is still on my head. I think that my Brooke will be the most devastated one if I was to loose it. She wanted to have her hair made into a wig for me. I had to explain that I may not loose my hair but there was another special child that has lost their hair and they need a wig made from her beautiful hair. Oh before I forget...Troy's team won and Brooke's lost. Kelly won her first game Thursday night. See ya in Church tomorrow!

Happy Mother's Day to all my special friends, family members and especially to my Mom! Brooke got her hair cut off this week. She wanted to grow it out and give it to kids with cancer. She had 10 inches cut off and donated it to "Locks of Love". We are so proud of her thoughtfulness. It is important to raise children to think of others and help others when they can. Another round of chemo down. That makes 5 out of 7 done. I am almost 1/2 way through. The usual week of not feeling well. I am down 20 lbs now. It is difficult to eat when your mouth always fells like you drank something hot and burnt the nerves. It is a weird, numb feeling that stays with you. I long for my normal life, as usual! I see my Oncologist tomorrow morning for my usual check up. I am still not feeling too well still , so my mom took the kids to church this morning. Jim is working. Please pray for us financially. We have had 4 of our rental houses come vacant and we need to get those houses sold or rented asap. It is difficult to stay afloat with those extra mortgages. Praise God for the economic stimulus payment we received this month from Uncle Sam to help with the payments. I am reminded of the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I want to thank Dawn, Kim, Apryl, Jennifer, Candy and Mindy for the meals that you lovingly provided for our family this week! We really appreciate your generosity and sacrifice. May the Lord bless you abundantly!

I want to thank everyone that continues to pray for me and our family. I really appreciate the comments that are left on my blog. I am doing good the last couple of days. I am scheduled to complete my treatments on the week of August 11th if all goes well. I just found out the kids go back to school the following week. I hate that! I was hoping for some time with them when all was said and done before they went back! Oh well. Thanks to my sweet friend Nora for the bracelet! I love it! My mother is out of the hospital and on her way to feeling better. Thanks for the prayers on her behave. Our family saw Team Impact at our church last night and Wow are they awesome! If you are able to make it tonight through Sunday p.m. they are at Westside Baptist Church. Info can be gotten by calling 781-0618 or check out the website http://www.wbcjax.com/. If you don't live in the area you should check them out when they come to your town or city!

Well another chemo treatment down. I am 1/3 of the way through. This has not been a good week for me. The new meds really helped with the nausea but it is not a miracle pill even though 18 pills were over $2000.00. Praise God for insurance. Ya, that is not a typo on the number of 0's! My sweet MIL took me to chemo this week and my blood platelets and white blood cells were lower then they like them to be but after a call to my Oncologist they decided to proceed. I felt so wiped out this week! I even had an episode of passing out, a combo of getting up to quickly and being weak and alittle hungry. I am ok but it scared Jim. I hope to feel better this coming week before I head into my 5th tx. My Oncologist wants to see me this week if I am not feeling better. I do feel like I have more energy then last week. I got out to the fields yesterday for the kids games. I had to leave alittle early at the last one because I started not feeling well again with stomach cramps, etc. I have spent alot of time in bed this go around. I hope that this is not going to continue to be soooo draining! For those that know my mom please keep her in your prayers. She has not been feeling well herself and is actually in the hospital as I type this. She should get out today with any luck. The Dr.'s are changing her meds and trying to get her feeling better. Kelly has been a big help this week with getting the little ones ready for school for me when I can't. She just turned 13. Thanks to Brandi, Kim, Erin and David for the meals this week! You guys are the Best!

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a week since I left an entry. Well let's get caught up. Last week was another really rough week, chemo then that time of the month...aauugghh! The roughest part of my chemo week actually comes after the pump is dc'd (disconnected). The nausea is at times unbearable even with all the anti-nausea drugs. The other side effects that are rough are the stomach cramping and at times the diarrhea. I cling to the verse Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength". I saw my Oncologist on Monday and he switched up my meds again. He was concerned about the side effects and the length of time I am sick when I have my chemo. I pray that these new ones will do the trick. The funny thing is when I read the side effects of the new anti-nausea drugs I will be taking next week, it stated that nausea was one of them. Go figure! Oh, also hair loss...let me see...nausea or hair loss???? I have been feeling alittle better everyday this week. I get tired easily and my appetite is not quite up to what it used to be. I am still at 14 lbs lost and I still have my hair (so far). Thanks again for all the help that we received from last week with meals , childcare and housework! We really love and appreciate you all! Brooke was awarded AB honor roll this morning at school during the award ceremony. We are very proud of her. Kelly almost made it but due to some bad choices when it came to completing some assignments she did not. Troy being in Kindergarten received all S's. Way to go Troy! Hard to believe school is out in 9 weeks.

Sunday was a great day. I got to go to church and see all my friends and catch up. After church my mom took the kids to her house and I was able to meet one of my best friends Kelly from GA for lunch. Sunday night the Student Choir put on an awesome concert and program at church. Kelly sang beautifully. The student choir are the 6th-12th graders. My friend Kelly took me to chemo on Monday and we watched a DVD and played Sorry. She won! We had a good time. So far this treatment is going as smooth as possible. The new meds are helping and I have learned how to help myself by keeping up with my fluids and eating small meals before I get hungry. I have a new side effect that started last night. I had a piece of ice in my hand that I picked up after it feel on the floor. Once in my hand it felt like I had a handful of stinging nettles or an electric eel. This is a normal side effect but not one I had experienced up to now. Love all my prayer partner! Thanks to the Clintron family for the meal that you lovingly prepared for our family-Luv Ya!

Fun,Fun,Fun! We got to go to the fair! It was raining most of the afternoon and early evening when we were going to go. After watching the news we decided to take our chance and make the trip. It rained some on the way but stopped prior to us getting to the fair. The sun even came out after we arrived. The kids had a blast riding all the rides. I got on the large ferris wheel with the kids but decided to not take a chance and ride any of the real rides due to the chemo side effects. A beautiful night out with the family! I really cherish the special time I can spent with the family when I feel good and relatively normal. I had an appointment with my surgeon today and all went well so I will not have to see him until August (6 month post surgery) when at that time he will scope me and check out the resection that he did. At one year from surgery I will have another colonoscopy. Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to check up on me. Please pray that Monday when I go in for my 3rd chemo treatment that my spirits stay up and the side effects stay at a minimum. Hugs!

Before I started my chemo I wanted to get a picture taken of myself for the kids to remember what I looked like before I got sick. I was unsure of the treatment side effects such as weight loss and hair loss. I am always the one behind the camera and rarely in the pics or video. My very talented friend and professional photographer Dana Michelle offered to photograph me. I have posted one of her pics on my blog. She is so talented! If you get a chance check out her website www.danamichellephotography.com . I have had people ask about my hair, etc. I am happy to report that I have not lost any hair (yet) but it is hard to not lose weight when going through chemo. I am down 13.5 lbs. Just to recap I am done with 2 of the 12 treatments. In terms of months I am one month down and 5 more to go. Thanks again for all the love, prayers and support. It would be so much harder to go through this without it!

Seems like I haven't logged on in awhile. This round of chemo was better in some aspects (nausea and fatigue)but I had other issues that has had me layed up until today. Thursday pm I started having bad abdominal cramping and called my Oncologist. Once again he prescibed another drug and a sweet neighbor went and picked it up for me. Jim and the kids were at Kelly's flag football award ceremony (something else I missed). The pills helped alittle but by last night I was in so much pain that I called my Oncologist and my Surgeon. I felt like I was having bad labor pains. I was told to take some pain pills that I still had from my surgery and if not better in an hour to head straight to the ER. They both mentioned having a scan for blockage, etc. That was the longest hour in history especially because it was after 2am. The pain finally eased up after an hour and I decided not to go to the ER. I am really weak and tired today but am feeling better then I have been. I hate seeing all the pill bottles in my bathroom. It is just a daily reminder that I am sick. I told mom the other day that I hate taking drugs, being poisoned (chemo), being chauffeured to doctors appointments and being dependant on others for things! I want my life back! I know that I need to press on suck it up. I had plans to go to the Beth Moore convention with my mom, sister in law and her sister but I was not feeling well enough to go. I was bummed I missed it but glad that I was able to sell my ticket and someone else was able to go in my place. The kids are on spring break this week and my goal is to do something fun with them out of the house. The fair is in town this week and it opens on Thursday, I hope to be there.

I had my Dr. appt with my Oncologist today. He was concerned because I was not smiling today. Well I am sorry but going through chemo will do that to a person. He put me on an additional medication to help with my mental state of mind and it also helps with nausea and sleeplessness. Sounds good to me. We will see how well it does. I am doing much better on the stronger and very expensive drug Zofran (over $550.00 for 20 very small pills). Praise God for good insurance! My insurance bill for chemo is over $8500 so far and we have only just begun. I have been constantly praising God for answering prayers for the side effects to be minimized. Even though I feel crummy, tired and my legs are sore it still doesn't compare to how very sick I was the last time I had chemo. I guess this is all trial and error with the meds, etc. I just have to remember that alot of it is mind over matter so I have to think positive and look for the good in everyday! Thanks to my friend Jessica Collins for the yummy taco meal that she lovingly prepared for our family.

Unbelievable! Mom brought me to Baptist South Hospital yesterday for my chemo treatment and I was told that they could not see me because me chemo meds were not ordered. Someone apparently dropped the ball. So I was not a very happy camper! They just don't understand what a person has to go through mentally to even show up for them to put poison in your veins and then be told to go home and come back tomorrow. It was sort of nice after I calmed down to have a "free day". I was able to go to the library, Target and take Brooke to soccer practice last night. Fast forward to today...mom took me again and we were there three hours. I talked to the oncology nurse and we decided I would go ahead and take my stronger anti-nausea pill (Zofran) while I was doing my chemo before the nausea had a chance to get a hold of me. I do feel better so far then I did at this point last time. I was able to eat lunch ok and I got out this afternoon and walked the block for some sunshine and exercise. I pray that I will continue to stay ahead of the nausea and the terrible fatigue that plagued me last time. I see my Oncologist tomorrow morning. Thanks to my sweet friend Desiree for bringing a meal for us tonight! The pump I have to wear is sensitive to electronics so I have to limit my time on the laptop, cell phone and even my portable DVD player. The meds are timed to finish about the time that I am returning back to the office but last time it finished up hours ahead of schedule due to the interference. May God richly bless all those people that touch our family through this time. Thank you All!

Happy Easter! He is Risen! I had an enjoyable time taking the kids to our church for it's annual Easter egg hunt yesterday. Things are almost back to normal and then I remember I have Chemo tomorrow! I started not feeling too well last night and it has continued into today. I was surprised with breakfast in bed compliments of the girls. They got up extra early to prepare it for me. It was very sweet. I was unable to feel good enough to go to church today. I was so upset but what can you do!?! I was able to get to my moms house in the afternoon, where everyone was coming for the traditional Easter gathering. The food was very good and the kids had a fun time hunting eggs (again). I pray for a restful night and a smooth morning.

Today was a good day. I got some house cleaning done , ran some errands and watched Becoming Jane (good movie). I got everything I need for the kids' Easter baskets. Even though we know that Easter is about our Lords resurrection and not about the bunny, we still do the egg hunt and baskets of goodies. I treated myself to sushi for lunch today. I have been told "not to eat your favorite foods while you are not feeling well because you will start to associate the two together". So since I was feeling good today I decided to have the sushi. Last night was the best I slept in 9 days! I still don't have as much energy as I used to, but that is coming back slowly. Tomorrow is bible study fellowship (BSF for short). I am excited about being able to go. Last week I had my pump dc'ed so I missed it. The week prior to I had to leave early due to a Dr. appt. We have such a great time at bible study. We are studying the book of Matthew this semester. Thanks for the prayers! I am so blessed to have such a great group of neighbors, friends, family members and community!

Happy St. Patty's Day! Sorry I have not been on to update since Thursday. To get caught up...Friday was an ok physical day but a very BLUE day. Alot of crying! My mom came over on her lunch break and took me for a walk just to get out of the house and get some fresh air. She is so sweet! As I sat down to my lunch I found a smiley face in my tomato soup. It was a little gift from GOD to let me know that he is still here with me! I was able to lay down and rest for about an hour before the kids got home from school. God send two birds singing outside my window...how beautiful. No matter how bad it is...Life is so worth living! Friday night I had enough energy to go out to dinner with the family and alittle shopping at Kohl's. It helps to do things that make you feel normal again. Saturday brought Aunt Flo if you know what I mean. Better now then next week! Chemo must effect that also because the cramps have been really bad. I was up till 2:30pm with horrible cramps and diarrhea. Oh , forgot to mention that Kelly's flag football team won their last game. They are undefeated! Troy's soccer team won also and Brooke's tied. It was nice to be out of the house on the field for a few hours. Today is a nice day. I am still not 100% but getting closer everyday. I am getting caught up on house cleaning and laundry. I never really gave much thought to thanking God for my health daily. It is something I think we all take for granted. Thank God for your health and the health of your family!

1/2 Human Again

I am back, well sort of. It has been a really rough, terrible couple of days! I don't think I have ever prayed, cried and pleaded with God for relieve and mercy, more in my life. The nausea is indescribable even with the medicine I was given. I got my pump removed yesterday morning and it was such a relieve not to be hooked up to something 24/7. I finally decided to call the doctor last night and let him know that the anti-nauea meds were not getting it! He called me in an addition anti-nausea pill to take. My sweet friend Jennifer flew to the store with only 5 minutes till they closed! The additoinal pill helped. I slept the best last night and that was not that good. The stomach cramps and diarrhea started this morning. Amodium A.D. helped with that. I am finally feeling 1/2 human tonight. I am looking forward to maybe feeling like myself hopefully by this weekend. All the kids have games. Kelly's last flag football game and Troy and Brooke's first soccer games. Thanks for all the prayers!

C Day

Well the first day is almost down. Jim and I arrived at the hospital at 9am this morning. I had to watch a video on the side effects of the drugs I would be given. They hooked me up to the I.V. lines about 10:30am. I was given a steroid and anti-nausea meds before the drugs. Those will help with the typical side effects. I did not sleep very well last night so going into it this morning I was tired. I did what most people do that get chemo and slept. I was alittle cold during treatment and other then needing to go to the bathroom a few times due to the extra fluids , I guess, I felt nothing. I finished around 1pm. I was unhooked from the I.V. and my portable pump with 5FU was hooked up. This infuses slowly over the next 46 hours. Wednesday I will go back to the hospital and the I.V. will be unhooked and the needle will be removed from my port. It didn't take long for the nausea to start. Jim took me to Publix for a small sandwich. I also got some tea. It was from the cooler. The next side effect I had, and was one I was told about, was this weird sensation during/after drinking the cold drink. It felt like I drank a very cold numbing peppermint drink. It is not a good feeling. I need to stay away from cold foods and drinks. I came home and took a anti-nausea pill and went to bed. I have had a headache all day long even after taking Advil and later Tylenol. I feel out of sorts and don't have much energy. My legs are achy. I pray for a good night sleep tonight.

The Day Before Chemotherapy

As I sit here wondering what tomorrow holds for me, I am reminded of the great love I have for my family and close friends that have been there for me from the beginning. That love doesn't even come close to the LOVE I feel from my Father God. He has been right beside me through the last two months of the cancer diagnosis, numerous tests, surgeries and recoveries. He tells me in His word "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" Hebrews 13:5 and in Hebrews 13:6 "So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me." And when I feel anxious this verse comes to mind "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" Philippians 4:6. That is a great verse when you feel like the nothing is going right. I try and remember that no matter what I am going through, it can always be worse.